Who is a dom in sex?
A dom or a dominant is a person who practices a BDSM lifestyle or engages in BDSM practices in sex. Unlike what a lot of people tend to believe, dominants are not violent or sadistic people, unless they specifically engage in a consensual sadism/masochism relationship. Dominants are people who take control of the other partner in a dominant/submissive relationship. Even though powerplay is very important for dominants, love, care and respect are also essential parts of dominant/submissive relationships. It is common for a dom to guide, protect and discipline his or her submissive both in the bedroom and outside of it.
How to be a good dom to a sub?
There are no set guidelines for what makes a good or a bad dom, it all depends on the needs, preferences and boundaries of the two people. In general, a good dom should have a high level of emotional intelligence, good communication skills, be respectful, caring and responsible towards the submissive.
Good dom qualities
Generally speaking, there are a few good qualities that all doms share. This includes being respectful towards the submissive when other people are present unless both partners decide otherwise, being into the same kinks sexually as the submissive or being open to exploring the submissive’s fantasies. A good dom also always keeps his or her promises and is kind, loving and understanding towards the submissive. These qualities are especially important during aftercare where the dom takes time to comfort the sub after a scene and reestablish their connection. A good dominant should also be creative in their BDSM explorations and open to suggestions and criticism from the submissive.
Frequently asked questions about being a good dominant
Are all dominants sadists?
Absolutely not! Dominance/submission and sadism/masochism are two different branches of BDSM. While some people can be both dominants and sadists, there are plenty of people who only want to dominate their partners and don’t have any sadistic inclinations.
Can dominants do something the sub doesn’t want to?
Even though it seems like the dominant can do whatever he or she wants to the sub, the sub actually has more power than the dom since it’s the sub who sets the boundaries and decides what they are or are not willing to participate in.
Are BDSM dominants psychologically healthy?
It has been scientifically proven that there are no links between psychological disorders and the preference for BDSM, in fact, studies showed that people who are into BDSM are generally better adjusted and healthier psychologically than people who don’t engage in BDSM.